The first time I saw this apartment was the day we moved in. Circumstances were such that once the boyfriend found it, there wasn't time for me to drive down from Bumfuck to check it out, so I had to give my blessing based only on the images online. I didn't know at the time about the dollhouse proportions, but there was one thing that gave me pause... It was located across the street from a high school.
It wasn't so much the traffic and noise I was concerned about. It was...
Band.
More specifically, Marching Band.
I know of what I speak having spent fours years blaring a trumpet in one myself. I remember the early morning practices, and evenings and weekends too. I remember the constant repetition of badly arranged pop tunes, over and over and over again. I had visions of being blasted awake by "Call Me Maybe" all in brass.
We moved here in March, well past the football season. Last month as I saw the high school gearing up for the new year I girded for the worst.
And then... nothing.
School has been in session for weeks now, and yet, no band.
I know they have one. There's a ginormous fifth wheel trailer emblazoned with the band insignia parked across the street.
Maybe they practice elsewhere? That would explain the trailer but seems like a logistical nightmare. Not to mention a not particularly wise use of tax dollars.
And then, yesterday morning, I was walking the dogs. We were taking our time since I had nowhere to be and nothing to do, other than look for work. And as we descended down the hill towards the street and school, I saw a half dozen golden Sousaphone bells gliding silently over the fence of the athletic field. Looking closer, through an open gate, I could see the entire band, instruments raised, flanked by flag girls and rifle twirlers, all performing intricate looking formations.
In silence.
I strained to hear and could just barely make out the sound of one snare drum, quietly banging out a staccato cadence, marking time.
WTF?
"Silent Marching Band"? How the hell does that work? I wouldn't think that would make for a memorable half-time show.
Do they just lip-synch? Maybe the times have changes and they just march around with prop instruments to pre-recorded tracks? If so, then I think we owe a collective apology to the surviving half of Milli Vanilli.
On further reflection it occurred to me that this has got to be one of the quietest high schools in the world. You never hear anything. No bells, no announcements, no pep rallies, no nothing.
If I had to guess I'd probably blame it on the neighbors. I think it's a case of NIMBY-ism run amuck. They move right next door to a high school and them raise a stink about the noise... of a high school. Probably threaten to sue every time they hear a glockenspiel.
Even I have to admit that's kind of sad.
Not that I'm complaining
