147.
That's how many e-mails I received yesterday from work.
Let's assume I spend one minute reading and responding to each e-mail. It's a rough average; some were simply ignored while others required lengthy replies, even more time-consuming if you factor in having to edit out all the F-bombs before hitting "send". That's over two hours spent on fucking e-mail!
How the hell did it get to this?
Well...
Two years ago I was desperate for work and a former colleague put me in touch with a friend who needed some help. He owned a "new media" company. What is that? I still ask that question today. "New Media" evidently means whatever you need it mean to at any given moment. We were introduced through e-mail and never actually met. In fact it would be months before we even spoke on the phone. The projects were sporadic at first and all over the map, but by the summer of 2011 business had picked up to the point that he was my main client, accounting for half of my billings and most of my time. Last December we finally met for the first time at the company Christmas party. The company was all of five people.
At the time we were still living in exile and I was desperate to find a way to move back into civilization and thought that at the rate the company was moving this could turn into a real, full-time job. As late as last January my client disabused me of that idea; he said it would be at least another year before they could consider hiring someone full-time. Two weeks later, the boyfriend landed the job in Orange County, and since I work virtually we made the move. I continued to work for my client from our new home base in the OC.
But then in February, the client got "the call".
Here's the thing: most people aren't aware of this, but every ad agency, PR firm or "new media" company of any note is owned by one of four mammoth, global Holding Companies. Two are based in New York, one in Paris and the last in Dublin. They own... EVERYTHING. Once a company, of any size, through reputation or work, lands on the radar of one of these companies, it will get "the call".
Basically, they make you an offer you can't refuse. They offer to buy your company at an exorbitant price making you set for life. Not only will they buy your company for millions of dollars, they will pump untold riches into it. I know this from experience from my last agency. Once the owners of that company received "the call", the company went from 30 people to 140, we moved into swanky new offices and I got a 30% raise. What's not to love?
At any rate, my client received "the call" in February and the first week in April I was summoned to a meeting in his office. I didn't even know he had an office. And that's when I first learned he had been bought.
He offerend me a full-time position, which was thoughtful. It actually paid less than I was billing him at the time, which was not. The Holding Company was insisting that he take up residence in an office building they own in Westwood where they warehouse all their acquisitions. So not only was he offering me a cut in pay, he was insisting on four hours of gridlock a day to boot. I politely declined.
Ultimately, we hashed out a temporary deal where I'm not an "official" employee and can still work from home and keep my other work and teaching commitments and I only occasionally have to schlep into the office.
The big difference now is that we are but a tiny cog in a global machine. Our global overlords own 330 companies and have 66,000 employees. 66,001 if you include me. And I'm not so sure I want to be included. They way our benevolent rulers have structured the company, we are now a "subsidiary" of one of their other companies in Milwaukee, while at the same time we are "partners" with a firm in New York. Suddenly I don't have one temperamental client to answer to, I have 20. And they LOVE to chime in with -email. About everything.
I know it's selfish, but I'm sitting here hoping for some sort of electro-magnetic pulse or solar flare or anything to knock out the e-mail. Just for a little bit, just so I can get some work done.
It's only 11am and I'm already up to 62.
